Jenny Lytle - #23 - May 31, 2025
Neurostimulation Podcast: Self-Care for Caregivers with Jenny Lytle
Welcome to the Neurostimulation Podcast! In this episode, we explore the intersection of neuroscience, clinical neurostimulation, and self-care for caregivers. Host Michael welcomes Jenny Lytle, an experienced hospice nurse and author of 'Self-Care Isn't Selfish.' They discuss Jenny's journey to prioritizing self-care, her BECOMING method, and practical tips to avoid burnout. This episode is perfect for healthcare professionals, caregivers, and anyone interested in improving their mental and emotional well-being.
https://www.selfcareisntselfish.com/
00:00 Introduction to the Neurostimulation Podcast
01:44 Meet Jenny Lytle: A Journey of Self-Discovery
03:00 The Importance of Self-Care for Caregivers
05:18 Balancing Caregiving and Self-Care
12:01 The BECOMING Method: Personalized Self-Care
18:13 Jenny's Book: Self-Care Isn't Selfish
20:43 Personal Reflections and Lessons Learned
24:54 Honoring a Loved One's Memory
25:12 Balancing Caregiving and Self-Care
26:11 Practical Self-Care Tips
27:36 The Power of Gratitude
29:47 Inspiration from Hospice Care
32:08 Faith and Spirituality in Self-Care
40:49 The Journey of Becoming
45:48 Resources and Final Thoughts
48:38 Podcast Conclusion
Transcript
Welcome to the Neurostimulation podcast.
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:The Neurostimulation podcast is
all about exploring the fascinating
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:world of neuroscience in general
and clinical neurostimulation in
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:particular, how it works, the latest
research breakthroughs, and most
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:importantly, how that research is being
translated into real world treatments
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:that can improve health and wellness.
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:Whether you're a healthcare professional,
a researcher, a student, or just someone
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:who's curious about how our brains
work and what we can do to help them
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:work better, this podcast is for you.
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:My mission with this podcast is
to make neuroscience accessible,
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:inspiring, and relevant to your life.
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:This podcast is separate from my
clinical and academic roles, and
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:is part of my personal effort to
bring neuroscience education to
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:the general public free of charge.
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:Accordingly, it's important that I
emphasize that the information shared in
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:the podcast is intended for educational
purposes only and not as medical advice.
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:Always consult with your own healthcare
provider to discuss your specific
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:health needs and treatment options.
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:This episode is presented by
ZIP Stim Neurostimulation.
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:Zip Stim is the neurostimulation
clinic that I own and operate.
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:For more information about our
neurostimulation programs, you
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:can check us out at zipstim.com.
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:That's Z-I-P-S-T-I M.com.
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:Today I'm really excited to talk to
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:Jenny Lytle.
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:Jenny is a nurse with over
30 years of experience in
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:hospice and end of life care.
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:She experienced a profound shift
when her mother, who was also
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:a nurse, suddenly passed away.
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:In her grief, Jenny realized that
her mom, like so many nurses,
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:had prioritized everyone else at
the expense of her own wellbeing.
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:Determined to break that cycle.
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:Jenny embarked on a journey of
self-discovery, embracing coaching,
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:and personalized self-care.
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:She found that caring for others really
does begin with caring for yourself.
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:Now Jenny is the author of Self-Care
Isn't Selfish: The Compassionate Nurses
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:Step-by-Step Guide to Stress Relief.
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:Jenny helps nurses and other
caregivers through her proprietary
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:BECOMING method, providing practical,
personalized strategies to manage stress,
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:prioritize self-care, and continue
caring for others with greater impact.
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:Jenny's message really is
that self-care isn't selfish.
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:It's essential if we want to continue to
care for others and live our best lives.
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:Mike: Welcome back to the
Neurostimulation podcast.
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:Thanks again for joining us.
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:Jenny: Thank you so much.
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:I appreciate I appreciate
the opportunity, Michael
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:Mike: So Jenny, could you please just
maybe introduce yourself, tell us a
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:little bit about your background, and
then we can get into understanding
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:more about your expertise and your
work and your book especially.
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:I would, I really would like to
talk about your book and make sure
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:that everyone knows about that.
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:Jenny: Sure.
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:Thank you.
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:So my name's Jenny and I have
been a nurse for 30 years.
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:I'm a wife and a mom and getting
ready to be 50, so that's exciting.
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:My forties have been my best
and I'm just assuming my fifties
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:are gonna be even better.
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:So I'm I'm looking forward to that.
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:But I, yes, been a nurse for 30 years.
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:Most of that 19 years now has been
in hospice and end of life care.
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:And so that has, that's something that
I fell into, didn't really anticipate
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:being in that, but have loved it.
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:I still work part-time in in
hospice care, but I found that
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:it was very easy to to neglect my
own needs and my family's needs.
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:And because I got a lot of fulfillment
out of my work and, it's great when we
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:do that because not everybody can say
that, there's some people that work
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:as just a, something they have to do.
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:And I really did enjoy
the work that I was doing.
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:But but it tipped in the other direction
and I really found myself, a lot of my
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:identity was tied up in, in my work.
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:And I didn't realize that until later
when I went through burnout myself,
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:when I finally decided to leave.
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:And then I realized, you know what?
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:I don't know who I am.
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:And and that's actually how I start
my how I start my book was who I am.
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:I and that led me on a journey
to, to figuring things out.
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:And then my mom passed away
and that was pretty sudden.
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:And she was a caregiver who
gave, to everyone but herself.
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:And so that just has made me really
passionate about helping others
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:see the importance of self-care
and stress relief, and that, that
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:it's not always what we think.
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:And it doesn't have to be a full-time job.
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:It doesn't, it doesn't
mean you're selfish.
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:It's the only way that you can continue to
care for others and live your best life.
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:Mike: Yeah, no, thanks
for explaining that.
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:It really resonates.
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:Yeah, I think all caregivers would
really resonate with that story for sure.
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:Especially, after I think many caregivers,
I expect maybe most would potentially
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:start out on a career very excited and
idealistic and feeling as a, I think
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:a lot of caregivers end up devoting
themselves in that sense to wanting to
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:help others and feel as though just part
of the job involves a degree of sacrifice.
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:But then how do you balance that
with not becoming burnt out is
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:really the key is you have to,
you're forced to learn over time.
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:Are there particular lessons along those
lines that, that kind of experience
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:has taught you about how people are
best able to balance these things as
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:they, caregivers as well as others?
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:I think to, to an extent, everyone, as
social creatures, we're all involved with
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:caring for others just in our day-to-day
social relationships with others, but
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:particularly healthcare providers.
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:When we talk about caregivers,
are there specific lessons that
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:experience has taught you that you
try to share with others so that
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:they perhaps can, from learn from
your experiences in order to perhaps
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:avoid the risk of burnout as you say?
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:Jenny: Yeah.
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:And I do agree that, we are social we all
have that that bit of wiring for caring
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:for others and helping other people,
but, people who truly are the caregiver
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:types, whether it's, professionally
or that's just part of who you are,
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:then it kicks it up a notch for sure.
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:And with that, you feel like, okay,
I don't have time to take care of me.
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:I'm too busy taking care of them,
or, it really, that's really
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:what fulfills me is doing that.
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:And there is, there definitely
is that component of it for sure.
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:But when we give and give and we don't
take that time to reflect, when we don't
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:take that time to fill our own cup, then
that's when it gets that's when it gets
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:dangerous because we can only give so
much before we become depleted, and like
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:you were talking about and the people who
do that over and over it, it's like when
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:you get on an airplane, I just went on a
trip and whenever they do the, the oxygen
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:mask talk, I'm like that right there.
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:Because it's so counterintuitive to, when
there's people who need you, you hear them
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:talk about the oxygen mask on a plane and.
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:If you're with small children
or somebody that needs help, put
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:your own oxygen mask on first.
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:And it's of course I'm not gonna do that.
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:These people, they can't do it
themselves, but but when you really look
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:at that, it's because we have to be,
we have to take care of ourselves or
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:we can't continue to care for others.
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:Yeah.
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:And so I think that a lot of it is
taking the things that maybe we're,
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:we've been taught from, different
generations and, men do it too, but
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:women especially, have been caregivers
and you take care of everybody else.
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:You neglect every, you neglect your
own needs so that you can help other
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:people and, and really thinking about
what would happen if I wasn't here?
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:I recently was talking to a
fellow nurse and she said, I
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:don't have time for self-care.
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:And she's somebody that's raising
she's raising her grandkids and
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:she's got a lot of things going on.
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:And it's that's all the more
reason why you really need to
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:take care of yourself because you
do have people counting on you.
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:And so it's those little
subtle shifts I think that that
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:really can make a difference.
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:And sometimes we wear this, busyness
and the fact that we're always
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:giving and serving others, we can
wear that as a badge of honor.
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:And I think that's something that's
starting to turn around a little bit
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:as people realize, in the mental health
realm and all of that, that we've
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:gotta take care of our own needs too.
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:And it doesn't have to be something that
means you're excluding everybody else.
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:I'm not a proponent of being selfish.
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:I believe that we can care for others
better when we do care for ourselves.
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:Mike: Yeah.
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:Yeah, no, that makes a lot of sense.
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:I think I really like that I, the idea
about the oxygen mask on a flight.
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:'cause it really, it is counterintuitive.
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:I I agree.
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:I think I had that initial reaction, when
I started flying, I thought, yeah, that
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:seems strange, but it does it, the, it
just occurred to me as you were describing
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:that, that it really does reflect the
importance of, even at the outset,
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:making self-care the first priority.
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:Because in a way you have to, in order
to even just get gas in your tank, right?
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:To be able to offer help to others.
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:And it also reminds me of
something that was really.
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:Profoundly impactful in terms of
figuring out parenting, right?
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:It's of course you think parenting is
in a way the ultimate caregiving role
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:and you wanna do everything you can to
try to be the best parent that you can.
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:And out of this sort of, really
profound love for the child, right?
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:But on the other hand, that message that
one of the best things that you can give
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:to your child is for them to see you happy
and to see you caring for yourself as a
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:way of modeling the importance of that.
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:In a way that was a really profound
permission to say, okay as much as it's
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:possible, especially, with a really
young kid baby, basically when they're
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:in need of that care all the time.
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:But to just try as much as one can
to fit self care into the picture
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:is so important in that role.
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:Jenny: Absolutely.
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:And that's, that's one of the things
that I do say as well, is that of
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:course, there are different levels of
that and there are exceptions, like you
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:mentioned with, with an infant or if
you're caring for someone that is, elderly
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:or incapacitated in some way and truly
has to have that, 24 7 eyes on you care
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:then that's gonna look different than if
are a part-time caregiver for someone,
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:or if you're working in a caregiving
capacity or you have older children.
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:Just figuring out like
what that looks like.
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:And that's where I really e
encourage a personalized approach
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:to that instead of thinking of,
self care is one size fits all.
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:Looking at what is it that,
that I know fills me up?
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:What are the things or the people
that I know when I'm around them
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:or when I do them that I feel
better and I feel more relaxed.
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:I feel less stressed.
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:And how often are you doing those things?
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:And just being conscious of that.
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:And really that starts with just
checking in with yourself instead of
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:just pushing through the next thing.
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:Slowing down and just thinking, okay, you
know what, like how am I really right now?
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:Mike: Yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:That makes a lot of sense.
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:It does because there, there is a t
because it can be rewarding on the
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:one hand, especially for folks who
have that wiring to wanna help others.
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:And perhaps, obviously there is gonna
be some degree of self-sacrifice that's
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:necessary with a caregiving role.
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:And in general, I think that's
generally something that reflects
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:maturity and it's adaptive.
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:But when that becomes
almost too much of a.
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:Default then, people will have that
tendency to neglect that voice inside that
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:says, Hey, I'm getting tired, or, Hey,
I need a break, or what have you, right?
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:I'm curious though, I think that's
key in terms of what you just
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:mentioned about the personalization.
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:Can you expand on that a little
and maybe talk a bit about your.
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:I'm interested to hear more about your
becoming method and the acronym and how
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:that all relates to the personalization.
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:I expect that's part of it.
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:Jenny: Yes.
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:Yes it is.
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:Yeah.
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:When I first was on my own journey, when
I had left my first hospice job and at
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:first I felt the sense of freedom and then
I thought, wait a minute, now, who am I?
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:And I went into a dark place of
trying to figure out what my life
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:was supposed to look like then.
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:And part of that was, part of that
was the job and leaving that it
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:had been a very big part of my
life and the people there as well.
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:I started when the company was small and
so it was like a dysfunctional family.
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:It was hard to leave that.
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:And also my youngest sons were a junior
and senior in high school, so I was
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:looking at all of that dynamic changing,
and there was a lot of, there was a lot
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:of a lot of pieces moving at that point.
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:So I fell into coaching.
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:I didn't really, I didn't
really know much about that.
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:But when I did find out a
little, I thought, you know what?
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:I love this because I've always been
very interested in the way that people's
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:minds work and people's emotions.
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:And that's my favorite part of
nursing is the, the psychosocial
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:and emotional and aspects of it.
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:Not as much the physical stuff.
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:So I went through my own kind of
trying to figure out like what is
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:it that, that I need to be doing?
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:And I looked outside a lot, in terms
of looking at different programs
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:that people had and reading different
books and things and trying to figure
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:out, the right way to, to do things.
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:And what I figured out
over that time was that I.
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:Some of the things that they
said to do weren't things that
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:really seemed to do much for me.
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:But when I took the time to think about
what is it that I really, when am I happy?
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:When do I feel like calm and
peaceful and relaxed and energized?
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:And when I started looking at
all of that and looking at the
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:things that matter to me, then
that really changed things for me.
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:And so I had named my when I formed
my coaching company I named it
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:Becoming Your Best with Jenny Leal,
rn, because the, I think we're all in,
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:all in progress where all these works
in, works in progress, in process.
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:It's, we're always becoming, and that's
something that I, I don't feel like we
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:ever arrive at where we're supposed to be.
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:As long as we're breathing,
we're still evolving.
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:And also, it's, becoming your best because
your best, and my best may be different.
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:What we, what our capabilities are,
what our desires are, what, so there's
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:a lot of personalization in that.
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:And so when I started looking at
some of the things that, that I
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:had worked through myself to figure
out, who am I, what do I want and
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:what do I want my life to look like?
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:I ended up being able to pull that
together in an acronym that kind of
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:combines the work that I did there.
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:And it's a, it's a loose translation
of the nursing process as well.
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:And which, which that comes down to.
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:So that's api.
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:So assess, diagnose, plan,
implement, and evaluate.
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:And so it's the same general
ideas with the becoming method.
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:It's it's overall, it's where are
you now, where do you want to go
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:and how are you gonna get there?
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:But it breaks things down bit
by bit, starting with, B is
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:baseline for where are you now?
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:And so really taking a look at.
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:How life is at this moment.
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:Because sometimes, when we set off
to make a change, then it can be very
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:very daunting when it's but there's
this and here's this stuff in my past.
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:And all of those things, yes, are
true, but just getting a clear
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:picture of where I am right now.
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:And it's, like when you're
setting the GPS when you get in
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:the car, first to get somewhere,
you need to know where you're at.
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:Otherwise it's gonna be a,
it's gonna be a strange ride.
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:Yeah.
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:And then and then moving through, like
the e is excitement, the things that
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:light me up and it, it's getting into
then, confidence the gifts that you have
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:the skills, the talents, the, all of the
maybe education that plays into that.
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:And looking also at your
values and your uniqueness.
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:So the o is only you because, we all
do have those things that are special
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:about us that sometimes we don't realize
because we just assume if we can do 'em
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:well or if that's a, something that,
that we enjoy and others tell us that
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:we're good at, everybody else can too.
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:And that's just not true.
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:There are, we have those unique
gifts that some of us are much
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:better at than others, and.
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:And then the things that mean
most to you, the m is meaning.
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:So what makes your life meaningful
or what kinds of things would
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:make life more meaningful?
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:And then the I is intention,
what does that look like?
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:Setting your intention for
what you want the rest of that
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:to look like and his needs.
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:So pulling all of that together, what is
it that you need to, maybe look at doing
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:differently or things that things that you
can pull in that kind of help with that.
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:And then the G's go it, it's a
matter of doing that and then just
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:coming back and reevaluating it.
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:Because it's not, again, with
that whole becoming thing,
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:it's not a one and done thing.
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:We learn, we grow life's life
changes seasons in our lives.
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:They all.
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:We all have different needs
and things that happen at that.
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:So it's good to come back and
revisit that, and I just had
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:to do that myself recently.
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:Mike: Yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:Fantastic.
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:Thanks so much for explaining that.
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:I think that I love acronyms.
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:I think it's really it's very creative
and I think it's, sounds exactly
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:like what would be very helpful.
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:I know I could have used that
many years ago and I started to
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:get into trouble with burnout and
compassion fatigue myself at work.
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:Yeah, it's one of those things that's easy
to ignore and just dismiss for too long.
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:Most of us do for too long,
and then you end up with.
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:The implications, whether it's
irritability at home or just, health
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:issues oneself and neglecting, your
healthy lifestyle issues because
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:of feeling inclined to be working
too much and that kind of stuff.
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:But your book then, so Self-Care
isn't Selfish, that's the title
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:of your book, is that right?
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:Jenny: Yes, it is.
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:It's Self-Care Isn't Selfish.
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:The Compassionate Nurses step-by-Step
Guide to Personalize Stress Relief.
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:So yes, it's it's short.
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:It's it's pretty to the point.
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:It's something that's a very easy read.
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:I wanted something that, that
would be accessible to people who
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:who maybe think, you know what,
I don't have time for self-care.
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:I don't have time to read a big old book.
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:And it's written just the way I talk.
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:It's not there's nothing incredibly
professional or profound.
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:And that's what I say, it's a lot of the
things that, that I'm a big proponent
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:of the things that I share and teach.
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:We know a lot of it.
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:And, I know me personally, there
have been many times when, I
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:think, oh, I've heard that before.
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:And then well, yeah, I've heard
it because it makes sense, but
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:I've never actually done it.
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:And so that, knowing something and doing
something are two very different things.
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:And my book is my story of course.
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:And I go into that some.
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:And then the reasons why self care
and stress relief are important,
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:but then just it's just several
chapters of, a page or two of here's
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:practical things that, that you can do.
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:And again, not all of them are gonna
apply to everybody because like for me, I
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:know that massages are good for me, like.
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:All the way around, mentally, physically
that's just, that's such a great, that,
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:that's a great thing for me, and that's
what helps keep me functioning at my best.
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:There's some people who don't
wanna be touched, and that's fine.
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:I like being outside.
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:I like starting my
mornings with devotions.
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:That's not for everybody, but it's
figuring out what are those things.
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:And I think one of the, one of the keys
is trying to figure that out before you're
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:in the midst of burnout, before you're
in the midst of a crisis, because, that's
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:not when the house is on fire, is not
when you figure out the way to escape.
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:So that's, that's that's
my book in a nutshell.
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:Mike: Yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:No, it sounds awesome.
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:I think, yeah it's tricky because there's
obviously, there's for and I can speak
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:from experience, just thinking about
how, in, in a way it's a, it's seductive
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:if you're wired a certain way, I think
in terms of your temperament and your
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:character, it can be seductive to want
to pour from that empty cup, so to speak.
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:As that metaphor goes and just feel
as though, like you said earlier, it's
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:part of many people's identity, right?
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:So they feel inclined to lean into
that, to the point that it becomes,
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:eventually becomes unhealthy.
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:I was really curious because it sounds
like one of your key insights is
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:this idea that neglecting self-care
can actually become a selfish act.
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:Maybe because it gets to the point
where someone is leaning into that,
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:but feels comfortable initially.
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:In, in, so that, in a selfish way
that, that, that ends up being.
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:Counterproductive.
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:Does that, is that kind of in keeping
with what that insight is about?
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:Or could you clarify
or correct me on that?
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:Jenny: Yes, so yes.
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:I think that it can be that
way where we get so much
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:satisfaction and, gratification
from what others are telling us.
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:Because part of it is, we have that just
like we feel good when we do it, but if
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:we're good at what we do, then a lot of
times people are telling us that, and that
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:was my, excuse me, that was my situation.
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:When I had first started in hospice
where I, at the time we had me, my
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:husband and I, we had six kids at home.
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:Kids don't often tell you
how great you are, especially
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:when they're boys and yeah.
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:I've noticed teenage.
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:Yeah.
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:You don't hear a lot of that.
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:And I always felt like I was
failing somehow, which I think
390
:a lot of times as parents, we
feel like we're not doing enough.
391
:And, but then when I started working in
hospice, I, my patients and families,
392
:they loved me and they told me how
great I was and how helpful I was.
393
:They don't know what they
would've done without me.
394
:That real, that felt good.
395
:And so then of course, these people who,
they really need me and we have this bond,
396
:and yes, the rest of my team's great, but
they're not bonded with them like I am.
397
:And so I would.
398
:I was on call for my patients all
the time, we we had call teams but I
399
:was like no, just call me, I already
know what's going on and all that.
400
:I'd go visit 'em in the middle of
the night, whether I was on call
401
:or not, if they needed something.
402
:And then that just carried
over into when, when somebody
403
:needed to actually be on call.
404
:If somebody wasn't able to
do it or was sick or whatever
405
:then I'd be like I'll do it.
406
:Because somebody had to and I just
had really bad boundaries, so I
407
:was frequently the one to do that.
408
:And then, in, in doing that, in
getting my own needs met in some
409
:ways, with all of that, I neglected
my family and I, my husband.
410
:He was supportive and always has
been of whatever I wanted to do.
411
:And my kids were understanding.
412
:But in reality I wasn't there a lot
of time when I should have been.
413
:And that's because I felt
good doing what I was doing.
414
:And and there could have been other
people that would've picked up the
415
:slack, it didn't always have to be me,
even though it felt like it at the time.
416
:And my mom, she.
417
:She was also a nurse.
418
:And she had some health issues and
she had she was on disability, so
419
:she hadn't been working for a while
but she was still very involved with
420
:trying to meet everybody's needs.
421
:And she would get on different
Facebook groups and things like that
422
:where, you know, where people would
be like, oh, I need this for my kids.
423
:And my mom would be trying
to match 'em up with people.
424
:And she did so much of that, that that
she didn't always have time for us
425
:when we, wanted to do things, which I,
and I'm not, that definitely went both
426
:ways, but she neglected her own needs
so much, her own health so much that.
427
:I really believe that a lot of that is
what contributed to her early death.
428
:She died at 61 of a ruptured
brain aneurysm, and That's great.
429
:Thank you.
430
:I and it's so I went through a lot
of, a lot of regular grieving, a lot
431
:of anger and frustration and sadness
and it's just I wish that she would
432
:have taken better care of herself.
433
:I wish that I would have encouraged her
to take better care of herself, other
434
:than, maybe just saying you need to
take better care yourself, but maybe
435
:a little more compassionately, shared
some of that because, now I'm without
436
:my mom and my kids don't have their
grandma and so it's just it's not a
437
:thing that just affects us in the moment.
438
:Mike: Yeah.
439
:Yeah.
440
:Thanks so much for sharing your
story and again, my condolences
441
:for your Thank you, your loss.
442
:And I think it's, but it is, I can see
how in what you're doing in this work
443
:it's honoring your mom's memory in terms
of what you're doing to help others.
444
:And I think that really speaks volumes
because I think a lot of us in the.
445
:In that situation where we say whether
it's being stuck in between maybe stuck
446
:iss not the best term, but yeah, I
suppose you feel that way sometimes,
447
:but you're like, a lot of people in this
generation, particularly they call the
448
:sandwich generation maybe in between
caring for younger kids and aging parents.
449
:So whether it's that at home and or a
caregiving role at work feeling like they
450
:just simply don't have time for self-care.
451
:If someone comes back with that
kind of retort, then what would
452
:you typically say to them?
453
:Is it just, does it just come back
to this whole notion that if you.
454
:That mentality that it's a non-starter
and it's very likely to lead to
455
:burnout, or how would you approach it
if someone just says, look, I don't
456
:have time for self care, end of story.
457
:Jenny: And I, again, I know that it, that
people do have different circumstances
458
:and like you said, especially those
who are caring for, caring for parents
459
:and caring for children at the same
time, and, most of the time working as
460
:well and trying to balance all of that.
461
:I'm not saying that it's easy at all,
and I don't, I don't ever want anybody
462
:to think that I'm saying just make it
happen, but I do believe that sometimes
463
:when we think of self-care or we think
of, okay, I need to do these things
464
:for me, that it needs to be something.
465
:Elaborate that it needs to be something
incredibly time consuming or expensive.
466
:And I'm all about beach vacations
and spa days too, but the reality is
467
:those don't fit into our daily lives.
468
:For some of us, those don't
fit into our lives at all.
469
:And so it's finding those little
things that, that really have more
470
:of an impact long term than maybe
some of the bigger things do.
471
:So things like, breathing taking
time to take a few deep breaths.
472
:And I encourage people, if the only
time that you've got to yourself is when
473
:you're in the bathroom, and sometimes if
you have little kids, I know that's not
474
:even to yourself just taking three or
four deep breaths while you're in there,
475
:the world is not going to stop while
you have that extra, 60 seconds of time.
476
:But it really can help to reregulate
your nervous system and, just to
477
:remind you that, hey, like I matter.
478
:And so things like that maybe it's
going outside and, getting your feet in
479
:the grass or just taking a few breaths
or looking around and seeing, Hey,
480
:here's the trees, here's the birds.
481
:And just having that little
mini break from the norm.
482
:Doing things like focusing on gratitude
because there's times when that's hard
483
:because it seems like everything is
awful and it's all kind of coming down
484
:on you and really focusing on those
little things that that are good.
485
:And it may be as simple as, a cup
of coffee or you saw a hummingbird
486
:the hummingbirds just came here.
487
:So it's exciting to to see them.
488
:But, maybe somebody paid you a compliment
and noticed something that you did.
489
:But those little things like that
can really have a big impact.
490
:And I.
491
:The people who, push back on that.
492
:I just encourage 'em, just
try it for a week or so,
493
:and just see what that looks like.
494
:And then definitely, if you're able to
to fit in sleep and really prioritize
495
:sleep, of course, you know how important
sleep is, that's when we, that's when our
496
:bodies really rejuvenate and heal and if
there are ways to make sure that you're
497
:getting sleep, if there's people that,
maybe can help out a little bit with some
498
:of those times where you're able to get
some good sleep and nutrition, making
499
:sure that you're eating and drinking
water and getting some kind of exercise.
500
:It's all of those basic things that
501
:Just adding them in little bits at a
time and having grace with yourself
502
:too, because there's gonna be days
when maybe it all doesn't come together
503
:nice and neat, and all you can do is
remember to, okay, you know what, I
504
:probably took a breath when I was in
the bathroom and I don't know what else
505
:I fit in today, but just, coming back
to the things that that do matter and
506
:hopefully having some people in your
corner too that you know, somebody that
507
:you can just talk to, be yourself with.
508
:Share the struggles that
you're going through.
509
:And and just knowing that you're.
510
:That you're not alone.
511
:Mike: Because
512
:Jenny: it can feel lonely.
513
:Mike: Yeah, for sure.
514
:No, I thanks so much.
515
:Those are fantastic tips on accessible
ways of just breaking the cycle
516
:and just allowing some room for the
importance of those, especially the
517
:gratitude piece that's so important.
518
:I, and it came to mind that I wondered if
maybe your experience in hospice care, is
519
:part of what, what brought that insight?
520
:Because I can imagine, and I've certainly
learned a lot from patients that I've
521
:looked after, who've been facing end of
life issues in terms of how they've come
522
:to be intentional about gratitude, w hen
obviously things are in general dark.
523
:And there's a lot of anxiety.
524
:But the, what helps to, counterbalance
that, or act as an antidote to the
525
:anxiety in particular, is to really
be intentional about gratitude.
526
:Jenny: Yes, it is.
527
:It's something that, of course we're
wired to focus on the negative to keep
528
:us safe, when we look for those little
things that that are good, that are going
529
:well in our lives and even in the midst of
lots of things not going well, then, that
530
:reminds us there is still good out there.
531
:And I had a friend who she was a nurse
as well, and actually she was one of
532
:the the founders of my first hospice.
533
:And we became good friends and
we traveled together and stuff.
534
:And she was just, she was wonderful.
535
:And she she was diagnosed with
cancer and things progressed very
536
:quickly and she, her whole I.
537
:Her whole attitude through the
whole thing was just amazing.
538
:She had a very strong faith as well.
539
:But she had a lot to live for, she had
great friends and kids and grandkids
540
:and was very involved in all of that.
541
:And but she just, she died with so much
like love and grace and peace that it was
542
:it was very inspiring to, to see that.
543
:And she never, there was never any why me?
544
:There wasn't really any anger to it.
545
:It just, it was.
546
:It was exceptional.
547
:The way that it all
went, and I don't know.
548
:I don't know that I would be that strong.
549
:But it was beautiful.
550
:And I think that made it easier for
those of us who loved her because we were
551
:able to, she was so at peace with it.
552
:It was hard to, it was hard
to fight it, it's, yeah.
553
:If she's okay with it then and there
wasn't, there wasn't anything that,
554
:that she could have really done to
change it, she but it was but it was
555
:something just to, to see that and
the power of gratitude and mindset
556
:and what a difference that can make.
557
:Mike: Yeah, for sure.
558
:I think it's, it, yeah.
559
:It's there obviously there.
560
:Psychological components,
but spiritual as well.
561
:I think it, it's understandable that
you're using terms like grace and faith,
562
:and I'm curious that, how have you found
that faith or spirituality regardless
563
:of, one's worldview or religious
background, I'm just curious about how
564
:the, let's use the term spirituality then.
565
:Is it something, yeah.
566
:To what extent has that been
something that you've found for
567
:yourself and for folks that you've
worked with and you've coached to?
568
:Really yeah.
569
:To help them to promote or recognize the
importance of self-care and to put that
570
:recognition into action for themselves.
571
:Jenny: Yeah.
572
:So I, that's interesting.
573
:The way that you asked
that, that's interesting.
574
:And I, I am, I'm a Jesus follower.
575
:That's that's who I am, who I've
been for really since I was young
576
:and then straight away for a while.
577
:But that's something that
gives me a it gives me a lot of
578
:peace and comfort and guidance.
579
:I feel and I know that, that not
everybody agrees with that, that I don't
580
:share the same views with everybody.
581
:And that's okay.
582
:That's one of my, I feel like that's
one of my big goals is that I want
583
:people to know that, like regardless
of what they believe I love and respect
584
:them and, you don't have to agree with
me to for, to be one of my people.
585
:And so for me, it's just, I know that
when I start trying to do too much
586
:on my own and when I don't really,
when I don't really stay connected
587
:to my faith on a regular basis.
588
:When I when I start getting, I don't
really know exactly how to say it.
589
:Like I know that, you know of a
morning when I start my time with
590
:God, when I start my time with
devotions, my day goes better.
591
:But life happens.
592
:It gets busy.
593
:And there's times when I, when
I go away from that and when I
594
:do I just feel more unsettled.
595
:Yeah.
596
:And so I know that's something that's
important to me and for others, it
597
:may be a different, particular I.
598
:Faith or organized religion type thing.
599
:Or it may be more of a, of an outside,
being in nature kind of thing.
600
:But it's figuring out those things
that, really do fill you up and that,
601
:that make you better, that you feel
that you feel more connected in.
602
:Those are the things that I
think we need to lean into.
603
:And a lot of that is an
intuition type thing.
604
:And actually, I just wrote this week
about intuition and following our gut
605
:because I had, I was looking at maybe a
different hospice role, and it was with
606
:a different company and there were a lot
of things that were exciting about it.
607
:And it sounded, it sounded like
a good opportunity, but I just
608
:didn't have peace about it.
609
:And that's, that's a big thing to
me is, there's times when I feel
610
:like God lets me know things.
611
:Very specifically.
612
:And there's other times when it's
just that sense of, okay, when
613
:everything's good, like I just okay,
I don't know, but it's all gonna work
614
:out and I just feel good about it.
615
:And with this, I just I
didn't I couldn't get that.
616
:And so I turned down the position
and I said, look, this isn't, this
617
:just isn't something that I can do.
618
:And I think it's great.
619
:I'm, I hope you guys find a, the
perfect candidate but it's not me.
620
:And and so I think learning to, to tune
into that a little bit more is is helpful.
621
:And just to trust that when you
feel it, even when it doesn't
622
:always make sense to others.
623
:Mike: Yeah.
624
:Yeah.
625
:No, I yeah, thanks for explaining
that and I guess it's interesting
626
:as I even just reflect on how I
ask the question and your answer.
627
:'cause I share your Christian faith
and I think part of what I'm challenged
628
:with here, in that, in the hesitation
that I had with the question and at work
629
:for sure, and particularly Vancouver,
which is known to be hyper secular.
630
:And even though I work at a, historically
a Catholic healthcare institution
631
:it's still something that you're not
really supposed to, or it's certainly
632
:something that's typically not.
633
:Comfortable to bring up at work as far as
like they talk about the importance, as
634
:of the bio-psychosocial spiritual model.
635
:Healthcare and mental healthcare,
I suppose in particular.
636
:But the spiritual side of it is
almost just like an afterthought.
637
:And it's awkward to bring up in certain
cases, but I suppose how, and exactly
638
:what you just explained in terms of part
of the personalization of the approach
639
:is to just try and align it with the
client's world view, whatever that is.
640
:And as you say it's, if it's, if it is
strictly secular, maybe that relates to
641
:how they might define spirituality for
themselves in terms of being in nature
642
:or whatever it is that, that brings that
sense of, i, I don't know, transcendence
643
:or however you might describe it.
644
:Jenny: And I, I do, I think it's
something that, that it is, it's easy
645
:to be uncomfortable with because there
are so many, there are so many people
646
:who have had such bad experiences.
647
:I think with with Christians that they,
that they don't want any part of that.
648
:And so my, and I'm not saying
that I've got it all figured out
649
:or that I'm better than that.
650
:What, but I do believe, like I, I
believe that my job is to love people.
651
:And if I'm loving people and if
I'm doing what I feel is right
652
:then, I don't need to judge you.
653
:I don't need to figure out if what you're
doing is, is something that I agree with.
654
:If it's right or wrong,
like my job's to love you.
655
:And if and when something needs
to change with you, I feel
656
:like that's like God's job.
657
:And but I just, I want people
to, I want people to know that
658
:they're loved no matter what.
659
:And I think that, there's so much that
goes on that that alienates people.
660
:And.
661
:I, especially when it
comes to, mental health.
662
:Here our, suicide is a big thing
and it doesn't matter if I agree
663
:with everything you're doing.
664
:If you're not here than none
of that can, can change.
665
:So I would rather err on the side of
loving and accepting someone and, and
666
:maybe being part of a reason that they
think maybe there is a reason to go on.
667
:And, the rest of that can get
figured out, but people just have
668
:to know they're cared about and
669
:And we don't all have to agree with each
other to to be kind and compassionate
670
:and and I think that's something that
unfortunately is a little lacking
671
:in the world, being able to have
differences and still, get along.
672
:Mike: Yeah.
673
:Yeah, for sure.
674
:A hundred percent.
675
:I think that's a really important
message these days, especially,
676
:obviously, I think Yeah, for sure.
677
:And just trying to bring
It doesn't have to.
678
:Yeah, there doesn't have to be, 'cause
again, part of why I was just thinking
679
:it's in some ways timely and who knows,
maybe it's just supposed to be that way.
680
:But we just had a message the other day
at church about the issue of, being the
681
:shining light on the hill, so to speak,
and how it's hard to do that again in,
682
:in a society that's it's great in terms
of being pluralistic to multicultural.
683
:And I suppose you get the secular
side of that, but then when there are
684
:people from all different faiths, it's
really a blessing in a way to be able
685
:to learn from them and to just find
commonalities and try to just see, okay,
686
:what are, even though people may and
in fact do have different worldviews
687
:and that's fine, then how can we find
commonalities and use what's healthy
688
:about all of our different worldviews?
689
:To just help to look after
ourselves and each other.
690
:Jenny: And it's funny that you
said that because Yes, I agree.
691
:And that's something, especially when
I was maybe a little more uncomfortable
692
:with my faith or not feeling quite as
secure, I would, I would get a little
693
:bit uncomfortable about having, looking
into other other faiths too much or,
694
:like it was going to just sway me
in a way that I didn't want it to.
695
:But and I definitely am not
an expert on any any religion.
696
:But but what I found is that as I talk
to, different people from other cultures
697
:and things like that, it just, it
makes me think of things differently.
698
:It makes me question things, which
really just makes my faith deeper.
699
:And that's one of the things that.
700
:At our church that that we always say
is that, our pastor just started out
701
:when our church started and said that,
I doubt, I don't believe that doubts and
702
:questions are the enemy of our faith.
703
:But but silence can be, because those
things, when we bring things to the
704
:forefront and we have discussions like
this then it makes us think, oh, you
705
:know what I hadn't thought of that.
706
:Or, it kind of clarifies
things a little bit.
707
:Or maybe there's something that, you
know, because there's a lot of things
708
:in the Bible that makes you go, what?
709
:And so having, having some conversations
around that and what that, what
710
:things really meant contextually
and in the, in that time period and,
711
:that can really make a difference.
712
:Where if you just keep things quiet and
think you know what, that just doesn't
713
:sit well with me, then then that can
have a different sort of impact on you.
714
:Mike: Definitely a hundred percent.
715
:No, and I guess, yeah, it makes me
think, coming back to your book, into
716
:your program, the becoming program, I
guess if Yeah, in that sense, or just
717
:not necessarily related to the spiritual
aspect, but just in, in general, I'm
718
:just curious, what have you found in
your work with clients and in your
719
:own experience, this idea of becoming,
again, I love the acronym what help
720
:me understand, what does becoming mean
as far as how, let's say, how can each
721
:of us start in that becoming journey?
722
:So say we recognize that that, burnout
and, lack of self-care is an issue.
723
:And in that sense of becoming and
just really discovering ourselves
724
:and discovering that healthy balance.
725
:Yeah.
726
:What would be some initial first
steps that you would typically
727
:encourage clients to, to try to.
728
:Proceed through in terms of that
initial part of that journey.
729
:Jenny: Yeah, I love that.
730
:So it's the first step, I believe
is really just taking a look at
731
:where, at, where you are right now.
732
:So starting with that baseline, and
usually I do a I with clients or when
733
:I'm doing workshops or whatever, I'll
do a wheel of life and have that, and
734
:I don't know if everybody's familiar
with that, but, so it's a, a circle
735
:that basically it's 10 concentric
circles that are together and.
736
:And so you have the different
the different categories of
737
:your life that are on there.
738
:Maybe there's spiritual, like we were
just talking about in physical health
739
:and mental health and relationships
and maybe it's like your significant
740
:other relationship and your friends
and your finances and your your career.
741
:And so looking at all of those
different areas and rating them from
742
:one to 10, with one being, Hey, this
is not going well at all, and 10
743
:being it couldn't be any better and.
744
:Really looking at those things
and not overthinking it, but just
745
:quickly putting down the first
thing that comes to your mind.
746
:And I always, caution people to look,
if you rate your family a five, that
747
:doesn't mean you don't love your family.
748
:That just means you know,
that there's some things that
749
:could use some work there.
750
:And for areas that maybe don't
apply, like significant other if
751
:you're not someone with a significant
other, then you can change that.
752
:Or you can, look at that as, okay,
how do I feel about that situation?
753
:Again, very personalized, but once
you've done that, then you're looking
754
:at, if you draw a line to connect all
of those things, you're probably gonna
755
:have some that are, in the upper numbers,
maybe some that are a little lower.
756
:And so when you look at that, and
if that's your wheel, if that's
757
:how you're getting through life,
you know how bumpy is your ride.
758
:And it really helps to clarify that.
759
:Usually there are some areas that
are good and some that aren't.
760
:And we can over generalize and think,
either life's going great or it's awful.
761
:And when we, when we break that down
and see those different those different
762
:areas and we're able to really look at
that, then we can then figure out, okay,
763
:so these areas are going pretty well, so
maybe like, why is that, what's, is it
764
:because I'm spending more time in them?
765
:Are there things that I can
learn from that maybe I can
766
:use to bump up the other ones?
767
:Or maybe I'm putting a lot of attention
on those and that's how it got there.
768
:But now maybe can I back off a little
bit and move some of that attention over
769
:to something that's a little bit lower?
770
:So I think that's a great way
to, to get started and then just
771
:working through what is it that I.
772
:What is it that you want?
773
:Because we're busy, we go through
life on autopilot most of the time.
774
:We don't stop to think about, okay, we
know we want something to be different.
775
:We just kinda have that feeling, but we
don't know what we want to be different.
776
:And so starting to think about what is
it that, that you would like to change?
777
:In what ways would you
like life to be different?
778
:And just really starting
with all of that questioning.
779
:And then, and then making just slow steps.
780
:You don't have to do it all at once.
781
:And I know I, I can be a very all or
nothing kind of person, if I decide
782
:that I like tea, then I'm not just
gonna buy, one or two kinds of tea.
783
:I've got.
784
:15.
785
:And really, I probably
have more than that.
786
:And that, that's just
that's my personality.
787
:But it can be that way with, when
we're trying to make changes too.
788
:And sometimes that's, that gives you a
jumpstart, but really most of the time
789
:that kind of means you go, okay, I can't
do all of this stuff, and then you stop.
790
:So just realizing that, l little
incremental progress is still progress.
791
:And just getting really clear on the
things that maybe one thing or two
792
:things that you'd like to change.
793
:And then once you get that kind of,
where you're like, okay, this is
794
:feeling a little more comfortable
now then revisit it and know that it
795
:doesn't all have to be done right now.
796
:Mike: Yeah, for sure.
797
:I let the metaphor again of the, like
you said just now and at the beginning,
798
:the GPS or the map, the concept of
the map in terms of it, identifying
799
:where you are now and sketching that
out and then identifying the goal is
800
:super important, and then figuring
out the path with how to get there.
801
:Definitely.
802
:Yeah, that's great.
803
:Maybe Jenny, can you share share for where
folks can find out about your book and
804
:your program online or on social media?
805
:Jenny: Yes.
806
:Yeah, so really the easiest way
is to go to jenny lidle.com,
807
:and that's J-E-N-N-Y-L-Y-T-L E.com.
808
:And with that there's there's
a, they can access a free copy,
809
:a free digital copy of my book.
810
:It is also available on Amazon
in audible and a large print
811
:hardcover and paperback and Kindle.
812
:But there is a free download that's
available there on my website.
813
:And there's also some other free
resources including, the book bonuses
814
:that because there's extensive book
bonuses that come with that as well.
815
:And some blog posts and different
ways to, to work with me.
816
:And and then I also have a, just a
quick podcast that I do usually weekly,
817
:that's just some usually it's something
that's going on in my life or that
818
:I've worked with a client on, and so
they're like under 10 minutes each.
819
:And just quick little actionable
ways to fit in self care.
820
:Mike: That's awesome.
821
:That's great.
822
:I'll put links to all of that
content in the show notes.
823
:So I'd really encourage
viewers and listeners here
824
:to check out Jenny's content.
825
:It's obviously fascinating and
very accessible and I'm sure
826
:people will find that very helpful.
827
:I know I'm definitely gonna
continue checking out your work.
828
:So is there anything that you wanted
to share with us in closing, Jenny?
829
:Jenny: First of all, just thank you
so much for for this opportunity
830
:and it's something that I feel so
strongly about and I know that most
831
:of us that are doing some sort of
work in the in the interpersonal
832
:caregiver realm, then, we really just
need to remember that we're worth it.
833
:We it can't be all about everybody else.
834
:Taking some time for ourselves is
something that that's not only okay.
835
:It's not selfish, but it is essential.
836
:It's the only way that we can
continue to show up for the people
837
:that, that we are caring for.
838
:And start small, it doesn't
have to be anything big.
839
:Just start with, start with a few breaths.
840
:Start with maybe going for a walk, maybe
asking yourself, what is it that I,
841
:what is it that I need most right now?
842
:Going from there.
843
:And definitely if it's something
where you're like, you know what?
844
:I just, I really don't
know where to start.
845
:Go on my website, book
a free call with me.
846
:I'm happy to I'm happy to chat with you.
847
:It's not, there's nothing like high
pressure and salesy or anything.
848
:It's just just a way to help you
figure things out a little bit.
849
:So thank you.
850
:Mike: That's great.
851
:Yeah.
852
:Thank you.
853
:That's fantastic.
854
:Okay yeah, appreciate your
expertise and your time.
855
:It's been a really delightful conversation
and just wish you all the best and
856
:it'll be great to keep in touch.
857
:Jenny: Yes.
858
:Thank you so much.
859
:I appreciate it.
860
:Mike: Okay.
861
:All the best.
862
:Take care.
863
:Bye-bye now.
864
:Jenny: Thanks.
865
:Bye.
866
:Mike: Thanks again for joining me
today on the Neurostimulation Podcast.
867
:I hope that you enjoyed this
discussion as much as I did.
868
:If you found today's episode
interesting, don't forget to like
869
:and subscribe to the podcast.
870
:It's the best way to make sure that you
never miss an episode, and it also is
871
:the best way to help us to reach more
interested and curious minds like yours.
872
:If you think that this episode
in particular might resonate with
873
:a friend, a family member, or a
colleague, please share it with them.
874
:Knowledge is better when it's shared
and you never know who might find
875
:this information helpful or inspiring.
876
:For more information about Jenny's work,
please check out the links in the show
877
:notes, and don't hesitate to put comments
or questions in the comment section below.
878
:Your questions, ideas, and
feedback make this podcast better.
879
:Finally, don't forget to
tune into the next episode.
880
:It's going to be another exciting
journey into the cutting edge of
881
:neuroscience, general health and wellness.
882
:Thanks again for listening.
883
:Take care.
884
:Stay curious, and I'll see you next
time on the Neurostimulation Podcast.